New Study

                                     

I am considering doing a study. A study into my psyche. Scary, I know.

Here I am, over fifty, and I have a LOT of baggage. I have to keep reminding myself of that fact on occasion. You see, I have a tendency to "forget" the dirty stuff that has been so conveniently hidden in those bags for years. Every once in a while, I bring out an item that smells foul, just to show people what a stinky past I have. Why? Good question! I am starting to ask myself that question more thoughtfully.

Here's the problem. I have baggage, yes. But EVERYONE does! The difference is that most people take items out and deal with them, maybe figuring out how they can be "bettered" by the item. Then they either clean it up or toss it out. Me? I tend to savor the pungent odors. Maybe because they are so familiar? Maybe in hopes that one day they will smell pretty again? I don't know. But no matter the reason I give, it isn't healthy. I have a new life and a future. I cannot move forward if I can continually pulling out crap from my bags!

A few years ago, I found a study co-written by a counselor who deals with just this topic. I picked it up and bought if for someone else. But I never gave it to that person. Now it sits, collecting dust on my shelf. Well, I think it is high time that I stop being such a hypocrite and "take the log out of my own eye." My goal, or one of them, anyway, is going to be figuring out how to treat my baggage properly. I am sure there are PLENTY of blogs to read and studies to do in order to get that accomplished.

I am sure that my sweet husband will appreciate my efforts since my stinky stuff tends to interfere with the blossoming and sweet-smelling relationship I could have with him. 

Until next time,

Petra

Remembrances

                                      

It's the day after Christmas and I am doing a little introspection as I gaze at my Christmas tree and listen to the sound of the rain on my roof. This week between holidays is perfect for that, isn't it?

Recently I have been really buckling down and writing, frantically trying to finish up two chapters of my larger writing project to send to family and friends for Christmas. It was a labor of love. And I do not exaggerate the word "labor." I spent time mourning sentences that I eliminated. I got angry when my loving husband pointed out inconsistencies or confusions in my story. So there I was at the computer furiously editing words, trying desperately to improve what I had written.

But here's the thing, I see NOW why I was getting so upset. I had invested so much of myself in my work - my hopes, my dreams, my heart and soul - that I could only see those things on the screen. I couldn't see what HE saw - what I intrinsically knew. I had been tapping out words that came from the memories of my past. Some of it hurt. Some of it made me grin. Some of it took me to another place. But my memories are are not other's memories, so my sweet, considerate man didn't see he was asking me to "fix" my heart and soul. Of course he wasn't asking me to do THAT, but it is how I interpreted it, and THAT is why I was so upset.

I posted my short story and I feel good about it. I feel good about myself. I feel good about what my end product delivered. I lost nothing of myself. In fact, I gained something. I learned that sometimes I don't take criticism very well. Who am I kidding? I NEVER take criticism well. But I need to remember that when the words of advice come from a heart of love, one that just wants to help better me and my writing, it must be heeded. I was able to take two chapters that were so-so and turn them into something of which I could be proud!

Now, I need to get to work on the OTHER twenty-eight chapters!