Deflection

                                          

Today, I want to talk about a painful subject - only because it basically overshadows much of what I say and do nowadays.

Have you ever felt like the person in the above picture? Broken, cracked, maybe a little crazy? Have you ever felt like it was you against the world? And since everyone was against you, you began to think that YOU were the one in the wrong? Have you ever come to a place where you doubted every decision you ever made, wondering if you were even capable of making any competent decision at all? Have you ever fallen into a depression because it felt like everyone was leading you there?

Sounds hopeless, doesn't it? Well, I speak from experience that there are likely thousands, even tens of thousands, that have felt these same emotions. And here is the scary thing - they were deliberately placed there, in that spot of hopelessness.

It wasn't until a few years after my divorce that I heard a term that completely changed the way I saw the world and those in it. It was the word "narcissist." Once I began putting actions with that term, I realized that the man I had been married to for twenty-two years was a narcissist. I have no idea how far along in to the marriage he because one 'full-fledged', but I realize now that he had been one even when I married him at the age of twenty-two.

There are a myriad of traits I could discuss today about this kind of person, but the one I will focus on today is the fact that "Narcs" have a way of deflecting. What I mean by that is that they have an innate way of getting you to feel as if YOU are the one who is "selfish", "narcissistic" (although they may never use that term.) and even crazy. I chose the above picture because this is what a Narc does to his/her victim.  He/she completely shatters your mirror, and gets you to 1) believe that YOU shattered your own mirror, 2) that you actually look like what your image reveals, and 3) shows that reflection to your friends and family, getting them to believe that this is what you really look like.

How is that deflection? you might ask. Well, the Narc is brain-washing all of those around him to believe these lies about his victim(s) so that you will not accuse him of being these things. He will stoop so low as to even use his own children in this manner. He will twist the minds of formative young ones to believe their mother to be nuts. Why? So he will continue to have their affection. He refuses to share love, because he honestly believes it cannot be shared. He wants it all. And if he cannot have it all, he chews them up and spits them out and finds another source (VICTIM).

As long as you are in the life of a Narcissist and have contact with him/her you will never believe you have been bamboozled. It is not until you are free from being in his/her life that you will come to the realization that things are NOT 'good.' 

In whatever free time I have, I have been working on a project. It is a story based on my life and my circumstances and those I have come to care for deeply. I don't want to 'preach', because that will not facilitate change. My desire is to help as many people as possible not to fall prey to deflection or any other controlling trait of a narcissist. 

Until next time.....

Petra