Fence sitting

                                                      

Do you ever find yourself fence-sitting? Yes, I think we are all guilty of this at some time or another in our lives. Sad, but true. But I have a problem. I have developed callouses from sitting so long. There are two or three rather "mundane" topics I need to confess in which I find myself fence-sitting.

1. Reading hard copy books or digital. Okay, you might find that silly, but for me it's rather a big deal. I have about seven or eight books on my shelf right now that I have started. The bookmarks are there to prove that I have not even gotten a quarter of the way through. Because what happens is this. I scroll through my emails and I find a list of FREE digital books that look delightful! I MUST have them. They are free, after all. So I now have a collection of upwards of 250 books on my kindle (and about half of that on my Nook) and I have started a few of them. After all, who turns down free books? I start reading one, or two, or possibly five, and realize that I really don't care for it that much. Besides, guilt begins to seep in, making me feel as if I am betraying my old friends. UGH! What a dilemma!

2. Typing vs. hand-writing. I have been on this journey of writing for as long as I can remember. When typewriters came into the fray, I opted for hand-writing because I made too many mistakes in my typing. Then word processors came along making mistakes easier to correct. Well, suffice it to say that I still LOVE to hand-write. Of course I will never be able to write as fast as I can type - even with mistakes, but there is something fulfilling about seeing words on lined paper. But I find myself hesitating between the two so often that I end up not writing at all.


                                     


So, I get to the point where I vacillate so much it is just easier and less stressful to sit the fence and watch everything go by. Who needs the stress of feeling guilty about not picking up a hard book? Who needs the pressure of trying to decide whether or not to take a notebook in the purse "just in case" a thought strikes? (And PLEASE don't start with the fact that I carry a phone with writing apps!)

My callouses are becoming uncomfortable. There a few splinters forming.

Is the answer to find balance?

Do I just need to decide which side is greener and just park my hiney there?

Or is this a much deeper issue? (I wax philosophical on too many occasions.)

Some have said, "As long as you're reading, it's good."
Others have said, "As long as you are writing, it's good."

If that is the case, then why are there so many articles on the internet comparing and contrasting the issues? But more importantly, why do I care enough to read them! Yes, I think the issue is within me, I would rather be lazy and allow others to form my opinions for me, no matter how miserable it makes me. I am a sick, sick woman!

Maybe I just need to understand myself. Know me. Be comfortable with who I am. Not listen to the thousands of voices out there that try to sway me to their "side." Get lost in the joy of doing what I love - reading and writing - and not care what others say or think.  One would think that a woman of my  - ahem - "maturity" would have already gotten to that place. Guess I have allowed the world to go by as I was sitting on that fence and the years in which I was SUPPOSED to mature, just flew by.

Okay, enough thinking and brewing, time for me to live! Right? What do you think? Should I?